How to quit your job and sail away

With out any notice, I submitted the following letter to my place of employment. I never went back.

Dear Daren,

After an appropriate period of deliberation, I have come to the decision to tender my resignation, effective Monday, June 30th.

Please know that I still maintain a high level of respect for you as a manager and colleague, and I thank you sincerely for the support and assistance you have offered me in each of those roles. I have been proud to work for your company; it has been a journey that has provided me an unparalleled foundation to move forward to new and exciting opportunities.

As such, I have decided to become a professional pirate. It has always been a dream of mine to live the life of a swashbuckling corsair, beholden to none and master of all I survey. Once my crew of unabashed rogues is assembled, we shall take to the capacious expanse of the high seas to pursue fortune, fame, and hair-raising adventure.

Our path may not be comforted by porcine operating partners such as yourself, but we shall nonetheless move forward to carve a name for ourselves in the annals of bold insurgency and death-defying derring-do. With keen blade at my hip and a Jolly Roger flapping high above me, I believe I will have found my true calling.

Please note that I am currently accepting applications for First Officer, if you are at all interested in applying. Me hearties would warmly welcome a scallywag such as the likes of you. I will provide a full medical and dental plan, which will offer immediate coverage of all maladies other than scurvy and the occasional bout of rickets.

Yours Sincerely,
Chad Lawie
(Hereafter to be known as Captain BoneHead)

If you ever visit Charleston, stay away from the following restaurants:
Coast bar and grill
Virginia's
Rue De Jon

Yes, I am a disgruntled employee. The asshole called me a bonehead!